BASTARD VEGAS HAMSTER WHEEL

It was the world series… of poker in Vegas, I was there for a month and I was not down with the get down.

I was not growing into anything, just a surviving human in a pretty jacked up situation driving into the brightest lights and the saddest souls. I just knew this was not the story I was meant to live. Surely the world is made of more beauty and purpose than the exchange of way too much cash, the hustling of sex and the illusion of a party.

The vibe pushed down on me, it made me sad for everyone who lived to work, worked to party and partied to escape work… and the hamster wheel rolls on and on. We are infinitely capable human beings, can’t we jump off of that wheel and choose our lives? We can choose to live better, to value people and not things, to cultivate with intentionality all of the things inside of us that we breathe in and out into the world.

Vegas came to an end, I got back to Nashville and broke up with the dude that insisted I go to Vegas in the first place. From there I flew to Hawaii, and began working on a project meant to help people that feel stuck in life. I met with athletes who had been cut from their teams and lost the one thing they believed gave them value, a father who had lost his wife to cancer, girls in abusive relationships, people in office jobs that were making them feel pointless and depressed, drug addicts. So many people, so many stories, so many untold stories from people no one would have thought were struggling. I found that people hadn’t told their stories, or really talked to anyone about what was really brewing inside of them because there is this pervasive idea that people only like and want to spend time with happy people.

I wanted to challenge this idea. I wanted to find a way to give purpose to the pain.

Film can make things seem real; exposing the reality and the isolating idea that you are the only one struggling in a particular way. It can challenge ideas we’ve held about people we haven’t understood, and help us explore a deeper connection to each other. So, let’s just say working in film beats Vegas all day everyday.

(Originally written for http://www.fancyrhino.com)

Sex ed 101 – for the voiceless

I used to drive around in my car and listen to “Latika’s Theme” from Slumdog Millionaire.  I thought that this song felt sad like the sadness a child must feel after being abused. I have read about these victims since age 11, and as a college student and adult spent a lot of time trying to help, but never feeling like I had enough power, influence, or education to cause change at the level I hoped. I tried the avenue of politics.  I remember an Ambassador for Africa laughing at me when I told him of what I hoped to do. I tried the avenue of NPO’s, and while I did some worthwhile work it also came with its own problems.

While I have focused my passions on behalf of those who have been sex trafficked, victims of debt bondage, unlawful imprisonment, child soldiers and just about any issue involving a lack of justice, I have been ruminating for some time on an idea that I believe to be critical to the future of our children, and here’s why.

A young man so broken that all of his success does not take away his flashbacks to a time when someone took his childhood and made him powerless. A woman beaten into silence by her tormenter since age six still struggles when she sees a father hug his daughter, a boy taken by a same-sex abuser feels confused about his sexuality and begins to hurt himself, and meanwhile the kids at school call him a fag and a freak, a girl raped by a boy at school is called a whore. The stories go on and on, as a culture of sexual aggression and repression builds walls of fear and shame around the abusers and the victims; meanwhile a loss of identity, eating disorders, cutting, and suicide eat them away from within.

We insist that students be taught British literature, algebra and sex education, because we care about students’ health and academic well-being for their survival in the “real world.” I have known many well-educated adults who as victims of sexual abuse are often functioning within a survival mode in life. They may have achieved success at work, or varying aspects of life, but what purpose does that serve if one’s overall sense of emotionally functioning is colored by abuse? If schools are meant to prepare a student for life, then I propose we take a practical and absolutely vital approach to a widespread abuse epidemic. With 1 in every 4 women and a reported 1 in every 10 men having been victims of sexual abuse, it’s fair to say this is no small problem. Think about that for a moment, that means when you are standing in a store, you are without a doubt standing among multiple victims of horrible and often unspeakable abuse, and the abusers themselves.

My proposal:

With varying guidelines, I believe that over the course of education, students, and parents of students should be required to take courses that address the effects of sexual abuse, what sexual abuse is, the signs of abuse and so on; in the hopes that their will be less victims, more protected children and possibly even insights to abusers that may cause the reality of their abusive behavior to be made known to them. I understand this wouldn’t end all forms of sexual abuse, but it think it’s a good place to start.  For those interested in starting this journey with me please email me at Rachelrpetrillo@gmail.com